As a mom, I have noticed that when I decide to do something for one of my kids, I do everything in my power to make it happen. However, if I think to do something for myself, somehow it never gets done.
How does that happen?
Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I think it is quite funny. At least my kids will always know I am reliable. I just don't seem to be able to help myself. For example, the more I say I am going to start running again, the less inclined I am to get out and actually do it. There always seems to be a legit reason why I can't. Same thing with watching my diet, too, unfortunately.
Recently I made a promise to myself that as soon as we had a break from all the unpacking and our new house resembled a home, I would get cracking on my writing. It has been a while since I have written anything, I do realize it will be like starting all over again. I really want to dig in and re-organize my paperwork. But here we are, the house is a good as settled, and I still haven't looked at my writing folders.
Well...I did look at them. As a matter of fact I quite enjoyed the few moments I took to put away my books and my personal writing. I have a huge closet, so the hubby put an extra bookshelf/cabinet in there and that is where I decided to keep my books, schoolwork and writing binders/folders. Of course I sat and looked through all my class photos and yearbooks, which was packed away with my writing samples from high school and college. I had quite a good laugh over stuff I wrote in college. More than a little embarrassed over things I wrote as a teenager, but overall it was an awesome trip down memory lane. When it was all finally put away, I took a step back and realized I still don't have a minute to sit down and get my ideas organized to start writing full time yet.
I admit to feeling defeated and a little sad. What is it about the changes I'd like to do for me that I just can't get it together. Where is my motivation? Writing and publishing at least one romance novel has been a lifelong dream of mine. You'd think I'd be all over it, stomping on anything in my way.
I do have a game plan in mind. And it is centered on this blog. Once I get going, I know I will find my groove again, and hopefully I won't stop this time. The whole purpose for me setting up this blog was to keep up to date with my writing skills. Find my voice, if you will. Eventually I would like to create an ongoing short story that will be featured in the short stories page. But first I want to work on my first romance novel. I have lots of ideas, synopses, and partial chapters written. The OCD in me won't let me work on 'starting' another story until the first one I ever wrote is completely finished. Not that I have any idea when that would be.
At one point I thought it was finished. I even sent it out to publishers. I got a rejection letter, but that is OK, because there was some feedback. I worked on it some more, showed some friends, even put it on my first blog. I joined RWA and the local chapter and was put in a critique group. Of course my friends all praised me and thought the story was wonderful. My critique group did not like it so much. Nope, not at all. Talk about being crushed. I didn't quit then, but I stopped writing all together and eventually did decide the timing wasn't right for me.
But it was always there, nagging at the back of my mind. I can't give up, actually I won't ever give up thinking someday I will see my name on the cover of a book. I know that I say I can't find the time, so I am hoping that this blog, my online journal as I like to call it, will remind me that I have my own goals and that I can do this.
I will say bye for now, but I will be back before the end of the month with some news and progress. Until then, my friends!
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